I always thought people who live in the past were ridiculous, but I never really knew why they were still holding on to simply the "past". It's not a matter of holding on to what was good or bad, it's actually the factor within you that cannot be erased. The good memories are never going away, the bad ones as well but for the latter you have to work really hard to get rid of them. That's because the bad ones usually are the ones that hold you back from moving on with your life.
A few hours ago, my father's best friend's son got married. Back here, the males and females have separate celebrations, each held at different timings usually at the same day. It's the first of April, and it was their special day. For the sake of my father, and his best friend we decided to attend the wedding. On the 27th of March, it was supposed to mark my brother's first year anniversary, but actually it marks the first year of tormented torture that every single one of us does not want to remember. It's going to be that one year where you do not want to look back at what happened because it hurts you so much you just want to pat yourself on the back and thank god you made it out of it.
Back to the wedding, it was really simple and ....calm. There weren't a lot of attendees, just around 100 of them which is a small number of people for a typical wedding ceremony. My mother and sisters sat at a table right next to the aisle. I had a good time considering the fact that I don't really attend weddings that much ( this marked my 2nd aside from my 2 siblings own wedding ceremonies) . Because I lived through the preparations of a wedding, and the struggle of the process I knew exactly what the parents were going through and what the siblings were holding in themselves. When it was time for the bride to walk down the aisle, all the young girls ( her sisters and relatives) stood by the aisle and there she was. I was excited for this moment because it's the moment everyone awaits in a wedding : The bride walking down the aisle.
As the tension rose and the anticipation filled the air, I spotted her white dress among the crowd of young girls standing by the aisle welcoming her. That white dress that brought back a million unwanted memories and I couldn't look. I had to turn around and avoid watching the bride. That's when tears started to pour without my consent. It was because of her we were still hurting, she made it into a movie scene and walked away with joy but it was us who hurt because we were wronged after all the goodness we gave. It was because of our tender souls, the way our mother raised us, she used that against us.
As the bride walked down the aisle, she was a gorgeous angelic human gracefully walking down. I laid my eyes on my strong mother who's eyes were filled with tears...why...because of her tender soul.
It's not really nice to blame someone for something they did not take part of, and it's awful to take away their most precious anticipated gift...just know for sure that god is never letting you go easily.
At this moment, I figured out that I still did not let go of what happened and it's holding me back from a lot of things, I should be strong for myself, my family and most importantly my one and only mother.
Let this be your lesson: If someone was nice to you with all their heart, don't use that against them. Instead think wisely before you hastily do something you're going to regret for the rest of your life. Just for once, walk in their shoes and know what's it going to feel like if you act like a heartless beast. One last thing, god never lets it go easily.
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